Loss
It sounds strange, but the fewer faculties I have, the less I’m bothered by what I can and cannot do. These days, I’m losing less than I was during the first few years, I’ve been like this for a long time. At one point, I wrote down when I’d last done certain things, like biking, autonomously using the bathroom, etc. I was consumed by it. Once I made that list, that was that. One grows a thicker skin. The sadness I felt when losing motor functions lessened. I’ve banished some of those thoughts, perhaps subconsciously. Sometimes I do feel envious when the kids cling to and cuddle with Hein. I’m not much of a cuddler anymore. It’s a mutual effort. But this pain, too, is only proportional. Maybe I’ve just become desensitized. “Don’t think about it too much, Jet” was my mantra back in the day. Continue reading “Diary March 2002”