81
On Saturday, March 3rd, my mother turned 81. Last year the was in a much worse place because she couldn’t get used to living in a retirement home. By now, she’s had home care for 6 months. So far she’s found a balance, though it’s still a bit shaky. Indoors, she uses a walker, which she often forgets when she needs to get somewhere in a hurry, like opening the door. She’s pessimistic about her situation, but she’s doing a lot better than she was last year. She’s talking again and got some of her pep back. She has become very hard of hearing, which is alienating in its own right, so she feels a bit isolated. Everytime one of us calls her, the rest of the room can follow the entire conversation too. “This is Hein speaking.” “Who?” “Hein. HEIN.” Every now and then, she makes us laugh when she says something archaic. Today, after we rang her doorbell, she greeted us with a: “Come in, and leave your hats at the door.”
Helpers (2)
I’ve always had a self-imposed rule about posting things to the internet immediately after writing them. I always need some time to think it over before I publish it. Last week, I broke that rule when I posted “Helpers”. Everything I wrote was truthful, but it wasn’t the whole story and it made me look like I see my children as nothing more than instruments. My kids are much more to me than that. They are the ones who keep things interesting when Hein and I decide to stay home. Our newest running joke is, whenever Ward says “I love you” (in Dutch) to Hein, Hein responds with an “I love you” (English in a terrible Dutch accent). All I can do is blink at him as lovingly as I can. Floor did the same last year, but that joke got old fast. I hope this one lasts a little longer.
Clock
I’ve slept with a clock close to my face for the past few nights, because I never knew what time it was when I woke up, which is annoying when you wake up multiple times a night. I never quite know how much sleep I have left. I used to base it on the church bells, but those have gone silent lately. Maybe it’s because we don’t open our windows wide enough. Because of the seasons, the light isn’t such a great way to tell the time either. I always wake Hein up too early, so I hope this clock can fix that.
Hein and Floor abroad
Last weekend, Floor and Hein went on a skiing holiday for four nights, departing by bus. I wasn’t looking forward to it at all. I would have to spend four nights sleeping in my chair. These days, my neck hurts even when I’ve slept in my down bed, imagine what sleeping in a chair would do to me. I didn’t wake up to readjust my head on the first two nights, so my neck ached a lot. The two following nights were better. I felt rested and did a lot during that weekend. My sister-in-law Lieke filled in for Hein and did splendidly. I was worried about the showering part, but that went swimmingly too. On Monday, Hein and Floor were back home, tanned from their three days of skiing. By then, the house had been repainted and the leakages had been fixed so Hein could start refurbishing the rooms immediately. Next time, we’ll try putting a bed downstairs.
Standing up
My ability to stand has only gotten worse, if one of my knees as much as bends a little bit, I tumble down. It goes well when I’m able to keep my legs straight. Hein doesn’t use the lift when he’s helping me use the toilet. To get my trousers down he often kneels down, taking me with him. It’s a challenge to keep me on my feet. Even when we do use the lift, it’s hard. I’m trying to find a better way to handle the lift. Brenda, who came back from Canada feeling refreshed, had a brilliant idea. Whenever I’m seated on the toilet, I should rest my arms on the lift straps. That prevents me from falling over backwards and keeps my on my feet. It was a great success when my other carers tried it too. I’m saved, at least for a little while.
52
I turned 52 on March 31st. We didn’t have much time to celebrate, because Floor was supposed to leave for Mexico at 8 in the morning. That’s why, the evening prior, we had dinner with the family. I had to eat my own food before we actually had dinner. Marianne came by at 16:30, meaning we entertained guests from 1 till 16:30. Despite the abrupt cutoff, we had a lovely time.
To Mexico
I wasn’t overly pleased when Floor told us she’d like to visit Mexico. As long as I don’t respond, I thought, it’ll just blow over. It didn’t. It’s a pretty logical desire for someone whose best friend is spending a semester studying in Mexico. I’m such a worrywort I actually emailed Floor’s friend’s parents, who had been to Mexico in the past two months. They were able to put my fears to bed. A week before Floor left, they came over to talk to us about the trip. I’m satisfied, but her grandmother is still losing sleep over it.
I’m lacking as a mother. I didn’t bother telling her what to pack, although I did remind her to finish an essay she was supposed to hand in before she left. Floor is used to packing her own bags, she’s been doing it for eight years now. The thing I really don’t like is how we couldn’t bring her to the airport ourselves. It’s impossible for me to get up in the middle of the night to drive to Schiphol Airport, so Roel dropped her off. By now, we’ve called each other a few times and everything is alright thus far.
Tonight, Ward will be heading to Barcelona with his football team. He packed his own stuff too and went to meet with his team without us. But on Monday, we’ll be waiting for him at the airport, and the same goes for the Monday after that.