Open questions
An open question is a question that’s unanswerable by a simple “yes” or “no”. A real thought-out answer is required. Open questions are useful in conversation. All the questioner has to do is nod, summarize and think of follow-up questions, all while the interlocutor talks away. I learnt this in psychology. By now, I’ve started hating open questions. Too much work. I prefer closed questions, yes-or-no questions. Often, people ask me a closed question, like “Would you like coffee?” but I’ll take too long answering, so they make it an open question by adding “…or tea?” It causes some confusion, so we start from the top. Confusion whilst not being able to speak is tiring. It can really piss me off. “What a bunch of jackasses”, I’ll think, before realizing that it’s me who’s screwed up, not them.
Homeopath
I’ve been going to a homeopath since April. He checks my blood for toxins and measures my energy lines. My blood was rather toxic and my energy wasn’t doing too well either. Because of supplements, acupuncture and a diet without sugar, soda, coffee or chocolate the toxicity has gone down. No more toxic blood and rising energy levels. On holiday, however, the temptation of sugary beverages and coffee proved too great. Last week we went back to homeopathy. I was curious. Well, I was caught red-handed. My blood was toxic again. I immediately asked the homeopath if I had badly messed up. We mumbled some excuses about our holiday, but consider me scared straight.
Summer break 2000
The rest of summer break went smoothly. Floor went to camp and we received a postcard from her on Wednesday, unusually early. She even sent some to her grandmas. Ward wasn’t bored, despite his sister’s absence. Floor was absolutely demolished when she came back from her primitive camping trip (only one water pump to supply 50 kids, hudos instead of bathrooms). My sister-in-law Lieke picked her up and brought her to the Achterhoek (region in the east of the Netherlands), where we had rented a bungalow for a week with some friends and family. The weather was nice and not too hot. We saw some interesting things, some old some new. We had been in the region before. Afterwards, I felt refreshed.
PGB
From the 1st of June on, we’ve had a personal reintegration budget, meaning we get to choose our carers and healthcare options ourselves. It looks like a lot of effort, reading through the paperwork, especially the first contract. Looks are deceiving, it was a breeze. For now, we decided to enlist a carer for three mornings a week. I’m especially grateful that Inge, our primary carer, was willing to stay with us. We have really developed a bond of trust over the last year. She usually understands what I say and know what to do in every situation I put her in. I know as well as anyone that caring for me is hard and she’s looking for greener pastures, but caring for me is easily combinable with her education. We’re still on the fence about further help. I’m not looking forward to letting a stranger take me out of bed and wash me. On the other hand, Hein can’t do it by himself. We should make a list of activities I need help with, how strenuous those are to Hein and how much I object to letting a stranger help me with them. We haven’t yet, but we should. For the time being, things are going fine.
New beginning
Today is Floor’s first day in high school. She was excited for it. Her bag weighed in at a whopping 7.5 kg. She went out to practise cycling with a heavy bag. The neighbour boy called her a “fresher”. The day before yesterday, she collected her book and spent the whole day putting covers on them. Going to a new school is exhilarating, both for her and for Hein and I. Last week Floor went into town with a lot of money to buy new school supplies, including a brand-name backpack (which is important). There’s already a parent-teacher meeting planned on September 4th. We’ll be informed about all of the goings-on at the school. It’s a new era for all of us. Ward has taken to going to school on his bike, accompanied by one of his friends, something he’d wanted to do for ages. It takes a chunk out of Hein’s daily schedule. We’ve suddenly got lots of time in the morning. Today, I was already seated at the breakfast table at 7:45, squeaky clean. I do think that Hein is going to miss bringing Ward to school.
Afraid of going to bed
I’m always reluctant to go to bed before Hein does. Lying in bed along is something I prefer to avoid. I don’t know why, but whenever I’m in bed alone I feel helpless and powerless. I’m scared of Hein not hearing me if I were to call out. That thought alone can send me into a fit of panic. I’ll suddenly feel really warm and panic even more. I start moving, making me more heated and more panicked. Trying to calm myself down, I tell myself comforting things, that nothing bad is going to happen and nothing is wrong with me. It usually helps. I never panic when Ward, Floor or Hein are next to me. It’s got nothing to do with breathing problems and I still sleep fine. It’s just the thoughts my brain conjures up that keep me awake at night.
An evening without Hein
Hein couldn’t be home on Friday and Saturday night. Resolving these kinds of scheduling gaps is always a pain. I stayed at home with the kids and one of Floor’s friends and we watched TV. Hein came back halfway through the night to help me use the bathroom. It may not seem practical, but it’s the easiest way to do it. We watched countless movies, until it was suddenly 1 o’clock. Crisps and cola galore. I had a good time. On Sunday we went to visit the renewed botanical garden in Leiden. The kids were all in. Maybe that’s because we promised to look at the ”penis plant”. Hilarious. In the end we didn’t end up spotting it, sadly.