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<\/p>\nI\u2019m surrounded by people who are approaching 50. That\u2019s cause for celebration. Sadly, a lot of them are overshadowed by the passing of loved ones. In order to celebrate without creating too much of a ruckus, we decided to make a website and put it on a CD-ROM. <\/p>\n
My sister-in-law and I pulled no punches, meaning we put a lot of pressure on people to contribute to the site. The result is amazing. A plethora of alternating videos, music, presentations and pictures. Doing a project like this is great fun and doesn\u2019t take too much time. <\/p>\n
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Astrid, my quietest professional carer, had her last day of work today. She took care of me for three years, including other household tasks. Whenever we had forgotten to buy something while grocery shopping, Astrid would know. Even when her shift was almost over, she wouldn\u2019t hesitate to dash to the shop do some last-minute grocery shopping. I\u2019m going to miss her dearly. <\/p>\n
My new carers have been doing pretty well, all things considered. They\u2019re all very nice girls and they\u2019ve all grasped the basics. Besides using the bathroom, our most anxiety-inducing activity right now is drinking. In order to drink, I have to bow down, my back included. I always feel so vulnerable in that pose. I can\u2019t talk and am terrified of choking. Thus, I\u2019ve taught them to immediately put me upright once I\u2019m done drinking. Our biggest obstacle, however, is talking. It takes time, and a lot of effort. Sometimes I almost feel like giving up on talking entirely, but that wouldn\u2019t benefit anyone either. So I talk. I say talk, but really it\u2019s mostly spelling and, if that doesn\u2019t work, summing up the alphabet. It\u2019s often a guessing game. It make me feel so helpless. I know I\u2019m hard to comprehend, but some people are just bad guessers. I\u2019ll say \u201cI\u201d and they\u2019ll ask me \u201cM? S?\u201d Or someone thought I was saying \u201cOw\u201d instead of \u201cL\u201d, leading to her asking me: \u201cWhere does it hurt?\u201d Admittedly, my L does sound a bit like I\u2019m saying \u201cow\u201d. Helpless and frustrated, that\u2019s me. Or I\u2019ll try to say \u201cKane\u201d, (a band\u2019s name) and my carer writes down \u201cKan e\u2026\u201d, waiting for me to continue: what letter\u2019s next? Like I wanted a space there. Good luck explaining that. No, that\u2019s where Ward and Floor come into play. I\u2019m glad they\u2019re still home so they can translate for me, because nothing is worse than not being understood. I\u2019ve promised myself that I\u2019ll keep talking, but I\u2019m not having much fun doing it. Tomorrow is their first day of school. Ow. <\/p>\n
Floor turned sixteen. From the family, she got a singing game; like karaoke, but it gives you points for how well you sing. I\u2019m a huge fan of karaoke. Once, I sang the first song at a Christmas dinner party at work. I think more than half of the people there felt embarrassed for me. I didn\u2019t, I was having fun and I\u2019m happy Floor is too. She celebrated her birthday with a karaoke night. The boys didn\u2019t really participate, except for Ward. Turns out, Ward likes to sing. And we the whole family sang along. Actually, as I\u2019m writing this, I hear them singing upstairs.<\/p>\n
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I can\u2019t do much anymore. I live vicariously through others, like stories told by friends and family, or my children having fun (it always makes me smile when they sing karaoke, despite the fact I can\u2019t participate, or the fact that Ward took over my old race bike to go on tours with his dad). Sometimes it\u2019s even surprising to me that that\u2019s enough to get me through the day. How could I, a person who used to be as active as they come, be content in such a passive position, as a spectator? And yet, I am. I\u2019m like a parasite. <\/p>\n
Floor went on holiday with four of her friends for a week. Wisely, she told me \u201cif you love me, let me go.\u201d That\u2019s true. I was completely fine with it. In fact, I applaud it. I trust her not to make bad decisions. Let them do their thing, don\u2019t let them settle down just yet. Every day was evaluated. Rows were worked through. Annoyances were discussed. I don\u2019t think I was as introspective at that age. But times have changed. The petty arguments in Big Brother\u2019s House can attest to that. <\/p>\n
After a long preparation time, we got the news that construction on our new sunroom would start on the 13th of September (but by now it\u2019s already been delayed to the 20th). We\u2019re not really looking forward to it, but it has to happen. Hein is excited. A large amount of the cost will be subsidised. During autumn we\u2019d like to go on holiday so the builders have an easier time working. We also want to be out of the house to avoid all of the dust and dirt.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A party CD I\u2019m surrounded by people who are approaching 50. That\u2019s cause for celebration. Sadly, a lot of them are overshadowed by the passing of loved ones. In order to celebrate without creating too much of a ruckus, we decided to make a website and put it on a CD-ROM.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[89,82],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1818","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2004-en","category-diary"],"yoast_head":"\n