It\u2019s odd. My mother-in-law told me all the way in the beginning that my capacity to enjoy things would not be affected. My first thought then was \u201cwhatever\u201d, but it\u2019s actually true, I still relish the good things in life. One would expect a drastic change in my attitude toward life, but so far only small things have changed. Granted, I did become a bit more weepy. I\u2019ve always cried easily, but nowadays there\u2019s really no stopping it. The symptom fits the diagnosis, though. I\u2019m emotional, but I still don\u2019t want to be \u201csweet\u201d. <\/p>\n
January 1999
\nI\u2019m still a massive control freak. Christmas dinner, groceries, packing for holidays (Floor acts as my body, she\u2019s got more of a talent for precise packing than I do. I usually throw everything in a box and let Hein do the dirty work. Not with her. Everything is fitted and measured before it\u2019s packed.) and now I\u2019ve started planning a family trip to the Jura Mountains. I\u2019m still highly involved and not even close to developing a devil-may-care attitude. It\u2019s amazing how one can stay themselves, even during hardship. I\u2019m sleeping a lot less and want to more present, especially to Hein, Floor and Ward. I can\u2019t sleep my life away. Something I do indulge in is lying down in my bed to think about what and how I\u2019m doing; a sort of internal dialogue. It keeps me in balance. <\/p>\n
March 1999
\nThere\u2019s no person I can get more at odds with than my mother, about the smallest things. Just like when I was younger. I\u2019d get so angry and frustrated. Everything is unfair. My ability to enjoy life is greater. I still feel childlike wonder and fun every time I visit the pier in Scheveningen or shoot some fireworks on New Year\u2019s Eve or when we go outside to have a snowball fight. I\u2019ll be there, leaning on my rollator. I\u2019m there with them and I\u2019m having fun.
\nI\u2019m still bringing my A game to bridge night. I\u2019m in it to win it, not to sit by the sideline. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It\u2019s odd. My mother-in-law told me all the way in the beginning that my capacity to enjoy things would not be affected. My first thought then was \u201cwhatever\u201d, but it\u2019s actually true, I still relish the good things in life. One would expect a drastic change in my attitude toward life, but so far only … <\/p>\n